


The Wonders of the Universe

by Verasteine



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Community: writerinadrawer, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-19
Updated: 2009-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-07 09:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verasteine/pseuds/Verasteine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not all aliens and artefacts are out to kill you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wonders of the Universe

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://misswinterhill.livejournal.com/profile)[**misswinterhill**](http://misswinterhill.livejournal.com/) &amp; [](http://thaddeusfavour.livejournal.com/profile)[**thaddeusfavour**](http://thaddeusfavour.livejournal.com/) for the beta.

"These are pendammals," Jack said, picking one up between thumb and forefinger. "They might look like your ordinary garden adder, but they're a bit different."

Toshiko watched as the wormlike creature squirmed in Jack's grip, then flashed turquoise and sinuously wrapped itself around Jack's hand.

Jack smiled as a blissful expression appeared on his face. "Oh, yeah."

Toshiko decided not to ask.

\--

"They're perfectly harmless," Jack said over her frantic calls. "Really."

Gwen refused to stop aiming her weapon at the five foot razor-clawed furry _whatever_ coming towards her. "I don't think it's inviting us to tea, Jack!"

Jack walked up to the brown, screaming beast, ignoring it as it roared in his face, and reached up to stroke behind its tufted ears. It tilted its head in Jack's direction, settling almost immediately, and to Gwen's astonishment, began to make a snoring sound.

"Listen," Jack said enthusiastically, grinning at her over his shoulder. "It's purring!"

\--

"Listen, Harkness," Owen snapped, "I don't care what kind of demented sex toy this is, just stop it from humping me!"

"You have no sense of adventure," Jack replied, even as he reached over to remove the blue disc from where it was in the process of melting through Owen's trousers and dissolving his zipper. "Really, you people don't know--"

"Get. it. off. me," Owen said between gritted teeth. "We don't all share your bizarre fetishes."

Jack touched the blue gloop and it seemed to change direction, sliding up Jack's palm and becoming solid again. "You have _no idea_ what you're missing, Owen."

\--

"It's called a what?" Ianto said, pen poised above the paperwork.

Jack cradled the purple thing in his arms, appearing wholly ignorant of the way it snuggled against his shirt. "A tralvasik."

Ianto studiously ignored the single eye on its stalk, looking at him. "How do I spell that?"

"Ianto," Jack chided. "We're not filing it in the archive. Come here a second."

Ianto regarded the purple _something_ and its eye with distrust, but stepped forward and gingerly reached out. When he touched it, it felt gelatinous and warm under his fingers, and it rippled a little.

"Ooh, it likes you." Jack gave him a fond smile.

"What do we do with it?" Ianto asked, never one to ignore practicality.

"We ship it to the South Pacific," Jack replied as if that were the most logical thing in the world. "Tiger Bay is way too cold for it."

The purple blob -- the joke wasn't lost on Ianto -- rippled some more, shifted, and oozed a little closer to the crook of Jack's arm.

"Isn't it sweet?" Jack asked.

Ianto regarded it and its single eye blinked affectionately at him. _Well, maybe just a little._

\--  
_finis._


End file.
